Nothing is ever perfect in Mommyhood!

I have sadly neglected my little blog and now I've gone and changed the title. That's right! Code Word is Mom is now The Never Perfect Mom blog, because...well nothing in mommyhood is perfect. Oh, and if it were...how boring would it be?!?

My thought is, we need to discuss the imperfections that make us who we are. We all have that idea of wanting to be the perfect parent, it isn't going to happen. There are going to be a million hiccups along the way and we are going to need to adjust. So we do! If you are too serious in the world you're going to never find the joy in "oops."

I know when my oldest two boys were little I thought, "I want a clean house, I want the perfectly organized car, I want them to do all these activities and read early and do math and swim and..." Well, we ended up in afternoon preschool and afternoon kindergarten. What a mess...or not. It totally threw off my days! I mean I had to feed my kid lunch at 10:30! But who says that's bad? If it hadn't, by chance, been the only opening in preschool I'd have never found friends, whom 12 years later I still call friends. (And those are the teachers!) Afternoon kindergarten gave us the teacher that all 5 boys have had...and they go back now in middle school and help her two days a week. That's right, sometimes the gem is hidden in the afternoon schedule from hell.

I can't cook!
I don't make good cookies!
My cute arrangements for teachers fall short or don't materialize at all at the end of the year!
More than once I've backed out of a volunteer position for one reason or another!
I get mad in the pick up line!
I am too tired to go to the park!
I have had to give them quarters to pay for lunch because I couldn't pay off the credit card to pay for lunches online...and OMG the list goes on and on.

However, I have 5 perfectly behaved and amazingly adapted sons! That's right...they are fine!!!  I didn't have to be the room mom! I didn't have to walk them into class everyday! I didn't have a set volunteer schedule! But I was involved and on first name basis with their teachers! The teachers beg me for my kids in their classes. How amazing is that? They have such an imperfect mommy and yet...they are turning out okay? Gem! They are learning to adapt like all of us have to. I see some kids whose parents are coddling them to the point that when they get their first job they are going to fail. I'm sure they are plenty smart and organized, but if your kids don't see a failure once in awhile, or feel one, how will they learn to cope with one?

Perfect is overrated. Imperfect isn't grand. But learning to adjust to anything...well now that's priceless!

Thanks for letting me rant! Join me here to see all about my rants and thoughts on raising great kids, taking awesome vacations, and doing what moms do best...adapt!

Bernadette Marie
Mother of 5 sons!

Saying goodbye to 2012 and resolutions!

So many things come to mind when you think of  a year closing and a new opening. When you look back did you accomplish everything you'd set out to do? Did you make memories? Did you help someone? Did you learn something new?

I have to say, 2012 will certainly go down as a year I'll  remember. I was blessed with so many wonderful firsts which turned into constants.  Bucket list items were checked off and inevitably new goals were set.

That's right, I'm a goal setter.

Faced with a new year, many of us get out a piece of paper and a pen and begin that enormous list of resolutions. We are going to lose weight, save money, and organize everything. I'm no different. Those would be the top three on my list for sure. The difference is, if I make it a resolution--as in I resolve that this is the way it will be--my sheet is torn up by 2nd of January.  Much like quitting smoking cold turkey, or giving up chocolate forever, resolutions are not for me.

Again, I'm a goal setter.

You wouldn't drive somewhere you'd never been without directions or an address, why would you want a result without making a plan on how to get it.

I want to lose weight. Great! Well these love handles didn't get here over night, they aren't going away by the end of the week. I'm going to need a plan. To attack this plan, I'm educating myself. I've bought books, experimented with my FitBit and Clean Eating. I'm going to pack my food and eat on a schedule. I'm going to keep a chart of my water and make sure that I get in my exercise everyday.  If I follow a plan, and adjust that plan as needed, I might see some success.  If I mess up on a day, or have a piece of cake for my son's eighth birthday I'll need to adjust my plan. I'll need to drink more water and take an extra lap around the track. But my goal is the same.  However, had I set it as a resolution, I'd have already blown it and I can guarantee you, from experience, I'd eat the rest of the birthday cake on my own for breakfast, lunch, and every 20 minute break in between.

Years ago I attended a sales seminar. The man said you had to set your goals to make more sales. He instructed us to write out our goals. Put in writing all the things you wanted to accomplish. Now you had a map, but the advice was to write out this list again every day.  That's right, everyday rewrite the goals you have so you don't forget them and they are fresh in your mind.

Of course those goals are going to change. I want to organize my house. Well, at some point, if I keep working on my goals, I'll accomplish that and then it'll become I want to remodel, or something like that.

This year is starting off simple--on the home front that is. My goal is to take 5 minutes every night and make sure there are no dishes in my sink when I go to bed. One day down... I'm good. Now, if I miss tomorrow, well my goal will be to make sure the next night I clean the sink.  

Another one of my goals this year is to do an act of kindness everyday. (or as often as I possibly can.) I've even started a group for it. www.facebook.com/groups/crusadeofkindness  It's good to have some accountability too. I can add my act of kindness to the wall, with those of others in the group. This will keep me focused on the good I'm hoping to bring to the world.

And the biggest goal of all this year, is to be realistic with my goals. I could have a notebook full of them. I'd spend my day just writing them out and looking at them. Which, heck, I just might do. But to feel really good about it, you need goals that are realistic. Sure, you want to be an astraunat and go to the moon? There are at least a million steps. You have to set your goal to the first one. When that step is accomplished, celebrate, and move to the next.

Sometimes the steps in goals will check off many things on the to-do list! Cleaning and organizing my house will check off not only that goal, but it will help in my weightloss goals because I'll have a better, more organized area to live in. My morale will be better and I'll have more time to exercise if I'm not always focused on cleaning the crap out of my life.  See how they fit into multiple places?

So here is to a new year. A starting point. A clean slate.
Here is to new goals--realistically set so that they can be met.
And here is to 2013 being another year I make great, no matter what challenges arise.

Tips from a busy house: The Roaster Chicken

One of my purposes for this blog is to give you tips when dealing with an over scheduled home. One great tip is the roaster chicken.

A staple on my grocery list is a $4-$5 bird that I bring home and cook the day before trash day. (Planned for the chaos of smelly trash!)

I cook a chicken at least once a week, but this is a meal without a plan. This is emergency food and when you have 7 people in one house you need these kinds of emergency foods.

The chicken is a crock pot item, so no work is taken in its preparation. When it is cooked I shred it up and store it in the refrigerator. Often times it becomes chicken salad for lunch for my husband (who's lunch I pack daily) and my lunch, as I work from home. Because it's ready to serve and only needs to be warmed it is a great warmer-upper meal when the family is running from one event to another. Stir in some BBQ sauce and slap it on a bun for an easy BBQ chicken sandwich. Throw it on a salad, mix it up with cheese and corn tortillas for chicken enchiladas, warm it up and serve it as the main course.

Proteins are so important, and so many times when we are running we grab that easy bite to eat. If good lean proteins are in our fridge and ready to heat it is much easier to keep our meals and snacks healthy!

So next time you're at the store spend $4-$5 on an emergency meal instead of $20 on a Super Sized value meal that will just make your family super sized.

Leading by example

I am one of the most horrible organizers ever! I'm more comfortable with a stack of papers than I am having it all tidy. I say I get this honestly. My mother is a piler (though, in her defense...she is not untidy at all.) My father is a piler! On grand scale!! My paternal grandmother was a hoarder (yes...like you see on TV and then look around your own house and say "this isn't so bad.") And my maternal grandmother, well, she's a collector of all memories. How do I explain her? She's kept everything I've ever written to her, given to her, or any program she ever attended for me at school. Mind you, this all is coming back to me now. You never leave grandma's house without a bag of stuff. But she lives in a house the size of three of my bedrooms. I'm talking small. She's not untidy or filthy. Everything has always had a place, so where does she keep this stuff?

I digress, which is usually my problem when it comes to organizing my house.

I was telling my bestie the other day that when I'd taken out the Christmas decorations I'd had a come to God moment. First of all, I'm visual. I have to see it all out to know what's going on. So I have empty drawers and closets in my house. You know, those places you'd usually put things so they were stored away? But I'm a lover of organizational items. So I have all these empty boxes, baskets, etc for me to put all this stuff away in. Yet... I still have piles so I can see them. YIKES! I'm a buyer of things, and not a users. And this part hit me...I don't use it because it'll be gone. OMG...how dumb is that!

This year the big Christmas tree had to find a new home since we'd rearranged rooms this past year. It wouldn't fit in the family room. So the best option was to put it in what we call the BIG room, which is a room over the garage, my office, the computer room, and sometimes the TV room (when the TV isn't on the fritz.) This meant we had to tidy up this room, which can't be seen from any other place in the whole house. (I always wanted a house with a secret room, well...I have one!)

A glance at my room and I see crafts piled in a corner. Empty photo frames against the wall with 40 years of pictures next to the empty frames. (Sinking feeling in my stomach!) On the shelves are a mass of books that I've acquired from conferences, most of which I'm never going to read. And then there are the 200 VHS tapes. Really?

Start the decluttering!

The books were put into bags and taken out, to be given to my friends at a book club! The VHS tapes were divided into ones we need to get transferred, ones to go to a friend with a small child and a VHS player, the rest were either thrown out or given away.  The Christmas tree is up and it looks grand! But now I have clean pumping through my veins!!!

Next, I begin to tackle the laundry! Seven people live in this house. I'm sure you're cringing right now. Of course the problem isn't the laundry itself--it's the putting it away. Oh, I've had some clever tactics on this over the years, but that is a post for another day. So I got busy. I got that laundry put away and I emptied other hangers of clothes that hadn't been worn in years. My neighbor takes the boys' clothes to another friend of hers who distributes them to foster kids. Awesome...deed well done!

As I walked through a room, I'd take something with me. Going up the stairs...something gets put away. Going down, take more laundry.  No dishes in the sink! No piles on the counter (almost... I do have 5 kids bring in 5 sets of papers a day!)  Then it begins...the trickle down!

So I made sure to be very diligent with my kids this week and help them before bed. We've kept the TV off. Homework has gotten done, I suppose because I'm not complaining about the mess! Then I said, "Let's take just ten minutes and pick up your rooms a little. I'll help." The elder sons aren't too bad. Son 3, not too bad, mom can stand it, but it looks better now. Son 4...YIKES!!! but we made a path and we are making progress. Son 5...went...to...town! This kid got the bug! He picked up what I told him to pick up. He kept going and going and going! His clothes were laid out for the next day. The room was great (for a 7 year old). He's made his bed everyday since! Last night he vacuumed his room and my room (because see, there were no piles of laundry!) They see that I'm on this kick, and when things aren't piling in on me, I'm not on them about their piles.

It is amazing what a little effort on the part of one person will do for the others. I've always said I'm raising future husbands. They can unload a dish washer. Their father is the primary chef at our house, so they cook. If they need something washed, they know how to wash it. So, if I can still salvage what is left of their childhood, and my years as an adult with some of my mental capacity still left, I will send these men into the world who know how to take it out and put it away. We are a LOOOOONNNNNG way from perfection, but I see a change happening and I'm happy. And to think, (yes I acknowledge the bad habit too) but it all started with me taking the first step.

Post Election thoughts...not on the President

So the election at our house was interesting. The kids had a ball learning about what an incumbent was, why some states had more electoral votes than others, and while you're cruising CNN's website all sorts of things pop up that kids can ask questions about.

There was an interactive map you could click and make states win for certain candidates  They had a lot of fun with that.  Likewise they enjoyed watching numbers shift from minute to minute.

Now you'd think I could rant about who ran for President, the tax increase, or the legalization of marijuana, but no. My complaint involves my kids and our schools!

Each of my children's  schools were polling places. The high school, middle school, and the elementary school. Now, I understand these are government buildings. I get that for years and years they have been polling places.  What I don't get is inviting the general public into our schools, during a school day, while my kids are there and letting them do their civic duty. Pedophiles and criminals have the right to vote. (I'll admit, I don't know the rule on where they have to vote.)

My point remains, this doesn't make one bit of sense to me.

Schools in the last thirteen years have really cracked down on security. Doors lock. You enter only one way. You check in...etc. I realize that the polling areas are usually away from the masses of kids, but Kindergarten loads and unloads at least twice a day. The kids have to go through the halls where the general public is to get to certain classes.

In our district our teachers are forced to have furlough days. Days where the county can't pay the teachers to come to school. So why not use election day as one of those days. How about the days we have "no student contact" days? Wouldn't it make sense for the teachers to have that day to get caught up and keep the kids away from those who are only there to vote?

Okay, maybe I'm silly. Well, no I'm not. I'm not the only person who considered keeping their kids home on election day.  Yes, I know. Not everyone can take off a Tuesday. I get it, I really do. But with our kids' safety at stake, isn't there a better place to have voting than in our schools?

This is just this momma's opinion and I have shared it. The best part about America is that I have the right to share it and you have the right to your own opinion. We don't have to be enemies if we don't see eye to eye, but as American's we are free to walk away and not agree.

Embrace your freedoms and if you think something needs to be changed go forth and begin that change.

Time to educate...ME!

My kids amaze me with the million and one questions they have. With the election season upon us there have been a million more questions that they have asked. The funny part is that I don't know these answers. I've been asked all sorts of questions about past presidents and why would marijuana be good or bad if it were legalized. Who was the last president to get only one term and why? How come the election is so close, were they all close?

Little things begin to move you into why did Nixon leave and who was Ford? So you go into the entire system of who would be president now if the President and Vice President left office.

What was Watergate?

So why vote Democrat this and Republican that?

So many questions.

It has been my resolution to keep track of these questions and find the answers (which are going to spur more questions.)  And this is the process of education for us all.

So much history happens in our life that it's not history, but to our children it is. We can tell them what we remember happening at those times, but if we, ourselves, knew why they happened it would be priceless.

So I'm on a quest to educate myself on the events that my children pick up on. Maybe by the next election I'll know what the heck is going on!

The Princess

I can't remember being many other things at Halloween other than a princess. In fact, I remember, and I must have been about four, having a Cinderella costume. Well for anyone who had the privileged of being born prior to 1980, you probably have the recollection of going to the store and buying your costume from a stack of boxes! Yes, with the plastic masks! Oh those were the days!

Realistically, you couldn't see out of the masks. I remember going trick-or-treating and my dad took our masks and cut the eye holes bigger. Okay... I get it. It is only as an adult that I remember the faces on the people who answered the doors that night. See we couldn't see ourselves in our deformed masks.  (It makes me laugh now.)

But one year Mom decided I should just go without the mask. So she did my make up and she put a beauty mark on my face with a eyebrow pencil. The love of the glamour of the princess was born!

I still have my dress she made me when I was five. I'm sure I wore it until the seams popped. Every year she'd make me a tin foil crown and a wand made from glittered pipe cleaner. Yep, I rocked the princess.

Even today, at the age of forty, I searched Disneyland for a Merida sweatshirt in my size. I stood in line to meet her until my boys gave out on me. (Okay... mommy gave up after 20 minutes and the line didn't move. I couldn't see forcing them to stand there so their mommy could have a picture with the princess...but they would have.)

Costume in a box

I only have boys, but oh, to dress up a princess...that would be a dream come true. So to my boys I apologize in advance. Your daughters will own every Disney Princess outfit out there, even if they don't want it. Sometimes you just have to let your mommy live out her dreams.

So I'll go about being the Princess in my house (because Queens are usually old and grumpy.) I will still dress up when I want to be glamorous and pretend I'm Princess Diana, Grace Kelley, or Kate Middleton. I will walk in parades (usually in my karate uniform) and I will wave as though you've all gathered to see me in my pretty dress...um black belt. I will still put the crown on top my Christmas tree, call myself a Warrior Princess, and live happily ever after with my very own Prince Charming. And this summer, on my forty-first birthday, I will still search for a Merida sweatshirt, and maybe by then they'll have them.

Until then, I'll keep digging through all my old, unsorted pictures until I find some of me dressed as a fairy princess and I'll remember my Cinderella mask with the eyes cut out.

Happy Halloween!