When I first began my journey into wanting to do a mommy blog I wanted to share with you the ins and outs of my daily life with five sons. But... I delayed and that was not the main topic that got me here today. No it took a tragedy to get the blog up and running.
I don't suppose there are many people in the country that do not know the name Jessica Ridgeway. Anyone in my neighborhood sure does.
This precious little 10 year old girl was take from our community with no reason. My friend teaches at her school. Fellow students at our karate school were in her class. My sister from another mother had her house searched because she lived on the block over from Jessica. And from my own home, I see the ridge where they found her body.
This came to close to home.
For almost a year now this community has been vigilant about keeping our eyes open. It was a year ago circulations from our schools and neighborhood communities came home alerting us to stranger danger. We had a man trying to grab children. This week alone we have had four more cases, after Jessica's death.
It came to mind that children aren't always quick to tell someone what has happened to them. The children and their parents who did come forward in these cases should be commended! I know this information first hand because I was once approached by a man. I was six or seven and I had crossed the street from my neighbor's house. We'd been swimming and I was in my swim suit. He was in an green car, I can still see his face. He asked me if I knew what time it was. I knew enough not to go toward the car. I said no and ran into my house. I told my mother there was a man who stopped outside, she was on the phone. She nodded. I went to my room and watched out the window. He came back, slowed down, drove away.
I often looked back at that day and wondered, why didn't my mom do something? Why? Because I didn't give her reason to worry because I didn't want to be wrong about what happened.
Likewise, she recently shared a story with me when I told her my story, some 30+ years later.
She'd convinced her mother to let her go shopping alone to buy a wallet at JC Penny. A man approached her and said, "Remember me? I took your sister out last weekend." "No," my mother said. "I don't have a sister." The man insisted he knew her and he'd be glad to give her a ride home. "No. I have my bike." He said they could put it in the trunk, but my mother was diligent to say no. She never told anyone that story because she'd never get to go anywhere again.
How common is this tale? How often do our kids skirt danger and are afraid they have judged someone wrong, or maybe just because they were scared it didn't mean the person meant them harm.
But sometimes it does.
This doesn't have to be a stranger you've never seen who has one crossed eye and a limp. This could be your babysitter, your coach, your generous uncle. Children need to be taught that they are never wrong in these situations. They have gut feelings too!
With that said, I'm a HUGE advocate about YOU WILL NEVER DIE FROM EMBARRASSMENT! Assume, as a child, you do tell your mom a man has stopped and asked you the time. Assume you did make a big deal about it and she called the cops! Sure, they might find him and ask him for his I.D. Maybe he didn't realize that was the wrong thing to do. Maybe they'll have tracked down a child killer. Turn and run? Kids do it to me all the time when I ask them to clean something up. But they'd never do it to a stranger, just because we've taught them to be polite. Well there are times its okay to not put your manners on and get the heck out of there if you don't feel right. If you did make a mistake no one will blame you. And you won't die from embarrassment.
Make noise. Scream FIRE! Everyone will run to watch a fire! Find help. Mother's are good to find. They have kids and will want to help you.
If someone is trying to grab you don't be quiet. Draw attention to the situation. Most of the time the person will let go if people are going to turn and look.
Kids should know how to use their voice to get out of bad situations, whether it be talking to the right person or making the most horrible of noises to get attention.
Let your kids know that there is no wrong when you don't feel right. AND if you, mom or dad, don't listen because our lives are really crazy, teach your kids to be their own advocate. Friends, teachers, ministers...they are all there and sometimes they hear what us parents can't.
Let your kids know friends, good or not, are allies when we are faced with people like we are here in Arvada and Westminster. Strength in numbers. Now is not the time to be quiet and alone. Walk, if you must, to school in packs. Play, in packs. Run...in a pack.
Kids and parents shouldn't be afraid. However, if we continue to live our lives like that...we are victims too.
As a martial artist I do have some things to share on this topic further. But for now I leave you with this...Make a noise for Jessica. Never forget her.
Bernadette Marie...Mother of 5...making a noise!
Realistically, you couldn't see out of the masks. I remember going trick-or-treating and my dad took our masks and cut the eye holes bigger. Okay... I get it. It is only as an adult that I remember the faces on the people who answered the doors that night. See we couldn't see ourselves in our deformed masks. (It makes me laugh now.)
