Nothing is ever perfect in Mommyhood!

I have sadly neglected my little blog and now I've gone and changed the title. That's right! Code Word is Mom is now The Never Perfect Mom blog, because...well nothing in mommyhood is perfect. Oh, and if it were...how boring would it be?!?

My thought is, we need to discuss the imperfections that make us who we are. We all have that idea of wanting to be the perfect parent, it isn't going to happen. There are going to be a million hiccups along the way and we are going to need to adjust. So we do! If you are too serious in the world you're going to never find the joy in "oops."

I know when my oldest two boys were little I thought, "I want a clean house, I want the perfectly organized car, I want them to do all these activities and read early and do math and swim and..." Well, we ended up in afternoon preschool and afternoon kindergarten. What a mess...or not. It totally threw off my days! I mean I had to feed my kid lunch at 10:30! But who says that's bad? If it hadn't, by chance, been the only opening in preschool I'd have never found friends, whom 12 years later I still call friends. (And those are the teachers!) Afternoon kindergarten gave us the teacher that all 5 boys have had...and they go back now in middle school and help her two days a week. That's right, sometimes the gem is hidden in the afternoon schedule from hell.

I can't cook!
I don't make good cookies!
My cute arrangements for teachers fall short or don't materialize at all at the end of the year!
More than once I've backed out of a volunteer position for one reason or another!
I get mad in the pick up line!
I am too tired to go to the park!
I have had to give them quarters to pay for lunch because I couldn't pay off the credit card to pay for lunches online...and OMG the list goes on and on.

However, I have 5 perfectly behaved and amazingly adapted sons! That's right...they are fine!!!  I didn't have to be the room mom! I didn't have to walk them into class everyday! I didn't have a set volunteer schedule! But I was involved and on first name basis with their teachers! The teachers beg me for my kids in their classes. How amazing is that? They have such an imperfect mommy and yet...they are turning out okay? Gem! They are learning to adapt like all of us have to. I see some kids whose parents are coddling them to the point that when they get their first job they are going to fail. I'm sure they are plenty smart and organized, but if your kids don't see a failure once in awhile, or feel one, how will they learn to cope with one?

Perfect is overrated. Imperfect isn't grand. But learning to adjust to anything...well now that's priceless!

Thanks for letting me rant! Join me here to see all about my rants and thoughts on raising great kids, taking awesome vacations, and doing what moms do best...adapt!

Bernadette Marie
Mother of 5 sons!

Saying goodbye to 2012 and resolutions!

So many things come to mind when you think of  a year closing and a new opening. When you look back did you accomplish everything you'd set out to do? Did you make memories? Did you help someone? Did you learn something new?

I have to say, 2012 will certainly go down as a year I'll  remember. I was blessed with so many wonderful firsts which turned into constants.  Bucket list items were checked off and inevitably new goals were set.

That's right, I'm a goal setter.

Faced with a new year, many of us get out a piece of paper and a pen and begin that enormous list of resolutions. We are going to lose weight, save money, and organize everything. I'm no different. Those would be the top three on my list for sure. The difference is, if I make it a resolution--as in I resolve that this is the way it will be--my sheet is torn up by 2nd of January.  Much like quitting smoking cold turkey, or giving up chocolate forever, resolutions are not for me.

Again, I'm a goal setter.

You wouldn't drive somewhere you'd never been without directions or an address, why would you want a result without making a plan on how to get it.

I want to lose weight. Great! Well these love handles didn't get here over night, they aren't going away by the end of the week. I'm going to need a plan. To attack this plan, I'm educating myself. I've bought books, experimented with my FitBit and Clean Eating. I'm going to pack my food and eat on a schedule. I'm going to keep a chart of my water and make sure that I get in my exercise everyday.  If I follow a plan, and adjust that plan as needed, I might see some success.  If I mess up on a day, or have a piece of cake for my son's eighth birthday I'll need to adjust my plan. I'll need to drink more water and take an extra lap around the track. But my goal is the same.  However, had I set it as a resolution, I'd have already blown it and I can guarantee you, from experience, I'd eat the rest of the birthday cake on my own for breakfast, lunch, and every 20 minute break in between.

Years ago I attended a sales seminar. The man said you had to set your goals to make more sales. He instructed us to write out our goals. Put in writing all the things you wanted to accomplish. Now you had a map, but the advice was to write out this list again every day.  That's right, everyday rewrite the goals you have so you don't forget them and they are fresh in your mind.

Of course those goals are going to change. I want to organize my house. Well, at some point, if I keep working on my goals, I'll accomplish that and then it'll become I want to remodel, or something like that.

This year is starting off simple--on the home front that is. My goal is to take 5 minutes every night and make sure there are no dishes in my sink when I go to bed. One day down... I'm good. Now, if I miss tomorrow, well my goal will be to make sure the next night I clean the sink.  

Another one of my goals this year is to do an act of kindness everyday. (or as often as I possibly can.) I've even started a group for it. www.facebook.com/groups/crusadeofkindness  It's good to have some accountability too. I can add my act of kindness to the wall, with those of others in the group. This will keep me focused on the good I'm hoping to bring to the world.

And the biggest goal of all this year, is to be realistic with my goals. I could have a notebook full of them. I'd spend my day just writing them out and looking at them. Which, heck, I just might do. But to feel really good about it, you need goals that are realistic. Sure, you want to be an astraunat and go to the moon? There are at least a million steps. You have to set your goal to the first one. When that step is accomplished, celebrate, and move to the next.

Sometimes the steps in goals will check off many things on the to-do list! Cleaning and organizing my house will check off not only that goal, but it will help in my weightloss goals because I'll have a better, more organized area to live in. My morale will be better and I'll have more time to exercise if I'm not always focused on cleaning the crap out of my life.  See how they fit into multiple places?

So here is to a new year. A starting point. A clean slate.
Here is to new goals--realistically set so that they can be met.
And here is to 2013 being another year I make great, no matter what challenges arise.